How often do you tell yourself some variation of:
I just need to buckle down and get to work
Now, how often do you tell yourself:
I just need to rest
Most of us are probably more inclined to say the first statement rather than the second. Why is that?
Societal standards for work and productivity have gotten out of control. There is an obsession with producing, pushing boundaries, and doing more that people are driving themselves to exhaustion. Work is valued; rest is not. Thanks to these standards, people are turning into undesirable versions of themselves because they are overworked, tired, and stressed. And it takes a lot of internal work, self-compassion, and self-assurance to break free of this erroneous value system.
What do I mean by rest? I mean anything that replenishes and recharges you. It certainly means sleep and time off. It could also mean doing things you enjoy or that make you feel good, like going on walks, cooking a good meal, or enjoying a hobby. It might also mean watching a funny video on your lunch break, pretending you have to go to the bathroom so you can get some much-needed alone time, or snuggling with your pet.
Rest is a basic need, just like eating and breathing. Yet the boundary around what is an appropriate amount of rest is blurry. In effect, many of us push the boundaries of how far we can go without resting. We err on the side of resting less so as not to come off as lazy or uncommitted. But I think the trick here is that an appropriate amount of rest varies across people. There is not one boundary that fits everyone.
Our bodies are smarter than we think. We want to have to control but I'm beginning to firmly believe that we do not. Our bodies tell us when we are tired, dictating our behavior to protect ourselves from burnout or worse, illness. We don't accidentally sleep in because we are lazy and uncommitted. We accidently sleep in because our bodies need rest. Because we work hard and in order to sustain ourselves we must recharge.
Yes, I get it. Sometimes it's not acceptable to sleep in, to bail on tasks, or to skip out on responsibilities. Sometimes there's a lot to do and we have to push ourselves and get it done. I also fully acknowledge that not everyone has the same access to rest. For example, if I really want to, I can start my work day at 10AM, make time for the gym, or order takeout if I don't want to cook. But for various reasons, other people don't have these options. My point is not to disregard this reality. My point is to encourage you all to cut out the negative narrative around your instinct to rest; to stop judging yourselves. If you work a 12-hour day and then feel too tired to cook, to respond to your text messages, to finish reading that article you said you'd read, there's nothing wrong with you! Please be kind to yourselves. I know there are some people out there who genuinely cut corners and avoid responsibility, but chances are that is not you. Trust that you are doing enough.
Thus, no matter your circumstances, I want you to know that it's okay to be tired, to want a break, to feel unmotivated, to accidentally sleep in, to skip something you said you would do, to scroll through your phone instead of squeezing in another 15 minutes of work. We feel these things because we're working really hard, not because we're lazy or uncommitted.
Within our respective fields, there are various markers of success and milestones we need to meet to accomplish success. It's easy to feel like we have no choice in the matter, but in fact we do. We are, ultimately, in control.
Let me give you a personal example.
For years, I've been down on myself about my productivity. No matter what I do, it's not enough because someone out there is doing more. Why didn't I publish more papers? Why didn't I apply for that grant? Why didn't I develop that skillset? What will my advisors think of me? What will this mean for my future career prospects?
Then it dawned on me. This is my life. I get to choose how to live it. If I don't want to work evenings and weekends, I don't have to do that. There may be consequences for my career prospects but I am willing to accept those consequences if it means living a fulfilling and joyful life. I'm sure I'll find something that suits my lifestyle. My mentors may be dissatisfied with my productivity but I'm not living my life for them. They don't have to live with the consequences of me being overworked, I do. It's difficult but also very empowering and freeing to release myself from the constraints of the high expectations in my field. Nothing I do will be enough for the field, but I get to decide what's enough for me.
As I said earlier, trusting our instinct for rest requires a lot of internal work, self-compassion, and self-assurance. Most of us live in a society that does not value rest. But if you can, I encourage you to try to change the way you think about rest. Even if you don't have the opportunity to incorporate more rest into your schedule (which you might be surprised once you rethink some of your priorities), I at least encourage you to change your mindset around rest and the narrative you create when your body forces you to do it.
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